Sasori's Birthday 2009
by Chi Haku
Summary: Just a SasoAme snippet for his brithday. "The truth about heaven is that it isn't worth it." SasoriAme SasoriOC SasorixOC


The Truth About Heaven

I have come to the realization that sometimes things just can't work right. Sometimes, things break, and sometimes, yes, you need to cry over spilt milk. There are sometimes things that despite everything else just tear you apart and crush you down and there's nothing you can do about it.

I had tried to deny it for lord knows how long, but the truth of the matter was that eventually it just kind of sunk in. I suppose you would all think that was when I joined Akatsuki. I joined Akatsuki therefore life my life is meaningless and akin to hell on earth. I'm afraid you're wrong.

I joined Akatsuki, but realized later that truth about life. And no, I don't think my life is a living hell, or a nightmare, or anything else. I actually rather enjoy my life, I really like how I live. With Danna and Deidara, the other Akatsuki members, they're like a family I never had. I will even go so far as to say they ARE the family I never had, and they know it.

So no, I don't hate my life, and I don't hate the people in my life. I do however hate the fact of the circumstances that brought me to the Akatsuki.

When barred from my village and abandoned and replaced by my friends, I did not take the rational path, I can at least admit that. I did not stop and try to figure out why this was happening and somehow remedy it, no, I did not. Instead, my past caught up to me and I started to remember how it had been before living in the village. These thoughts led me to the assumption that it had all just happened again and it just wasn't worth it to keep trying.

Thereafter I went on a spree or self-destruction, the scars of which still surround me, body and mind. Pein, the man now something like a father, or perhaps uncle, found me in that state. I will say that making me stop hurting myself was like trying to take away a junkie's fix, near impossible. It took time, but by the time his mission was over and he was ready to go home, I was myself again.

He took me with him and introduced me to the people who would later become the only people I had ever completely trusted. There, I learned everything I would need to know about the truth behind the lies. It was then that I began to really think over everything that had gone on in the last three to four years of my young life.

What was evil? Who was right, who was wrong? Did these people deserve the hate they were shown?

By the time my old teammates, and the rest of my village seemingly noticed me missing I had long grown fond of the criminal group. They were too late to pull me from the people I now chose to associate with, not that I wanted to leave. If I had a choice, I would never leave their sides as long as I lived, regardless of what anyone said or did.

So yes, some things can't work out right, but occasionally they can lead to things that can and do work out right.

But still, it is a hard blow when you face the boy that was your first love and realize that currently, you're trying to kidnap him, and he's trying to kill you. Of course, I'm not sure Gaara recognized me, but regardless of that, it still hurt.

Having Deidara there cushioned the blow however, it was easier to remind myself that I was not alone when I had him around. Deidara was something like a brother to me. He was always protecting me and making sure I was okay, when I would ask why he would simply smile and say that I was important to him.

I still had faith in my friends though, or my old ones at any rate. I had faith they knew what they were doing and why. I thought that maybe, JUST maybe, they would actually stop and allow me to show them that the people they hated were perhaps the most wonderful I had ever met. I had faith in this until that one day, the day I wished that time would stop.

Conflict has never been one of my favorite things. Fighting, yes, conflict, no. I didn't like the fact that I would perhaps have to fight one of my old friends. As it happened, I ended up fighting Naruto. Well, not really fighting, only half fighting I suppose. It was all halfhearted, on both sides.

I had always hoped I would fight Naruto or Sasuke, maybe even Mast Kakashi or that new boy, Sai. But I had never wanted to fight Sakura. Before I knew others that treated me as family, she was like an older sister. Hell, we even kind of looked alike (not really). I really care about her, I truly did.

That was the reason that I nodded and jumped on the bird with Deidara that day. That was the reason I didn't protest to him fighting her by himself. It's the reason that I wasn't worried, that I flew with him to dispose of Gaara in a place we both knew he would be found.

If I had known what would happen, please know, I would not have left.

I would have stayed and fought by his side, fought Sakura if I had to. I would have stood in front of him and taken every goddamn attack had I known.

But of course, I didn't know, which was why the next day was like a living hell on earth.

I hated my life before coming to the village of Konoha, and I will say it was hellish, but it was not completely hell on earth. There were things, people occasionally, that kept me going regardless of all else. So you must know, that I am not exaggerating when I say that the next day, perhaps month, was as close to hell as I had ever come.

Akasuna no Sasori was perhaps the only member of the Akatsuki who I would never see as a brother, or an uncle, or a father, or a cousin, or in Konan's case a mother, sister or aunt. No, I would never see him as that kind of family, because I didn't want him to be. From the moment I met him, in Hiruko no less, I was in a trance. I loved him with a kind of passion I had never known. He was my everything and my anything, I would do whatever he asked.

To lose a family member is painful. To lose the one you love, having never told them that you do, that hurts like the fire and brimstone of Hades.

I had no desire to hurt Sakura, or Chiyo, in fact, all I wanted to do was curl up and mourn. No, not die, mourn. Sasori would never want me to die, and I had sworn to Pein never to purposely inflict pain upon myself again.

Yet the pain I felt was nothing compared to the dull numbing sensation that came afterward, a harsh reminder that I had to go on.

Was it fair? No. Was it just? No, probably not. Did it happen? Yes.

So, standing here, where he used to stand, I stare out at the ocean, wondering. Wondering when and why, how and who, what and where. All these questions, distracting me.

Pein has not told me why I was told to leave base for the last two nights, but I trust him, so I do as he asks. He would never let me be hurt, he will always stay by me, they all will.

I wonder how Sasuke is. How Sakura is, a tinge of anger accompanying the thought. How Naruto, Kakashi, Sai, how they all are.

The sudden shift in the area around me make me pause in my thoughts. All things have stopped. The sun has frozen in its setting place in the sky, the wind is not blowing, the waves aren't crashing. Nothing dares to move accept for something behind me, something I dare not turn to see.

A pair of arms wrap around me, pulling me against a must warmer body than I remember. There is nothing wooden, or puppet-like about whom is holding me now. There are no joints and screws, no wires and cables, nothing to suggest who it once was.

Instead there is porcelain skin, warm flesh. Red blood pumping through veins that should belong to a thirty-six year old, but instead seem to live in an eighteen year old's body.

I don't need to see him, I don't need to have him turn around, I don't need to hear him speak to know who it is. I don't need to be told what Pein was doing in the base, because I had feel in behind me.

We stand in silence, watching the sunset, my mind working slowly, instead of racing. There's no need to speak, no need to question. After ten minutes or so, as the sun is almost below the horizon, bloody red skies above, he speaks.

"The truth about heaven…" he murmurs, lips brushing my ear. "Is that it isn't worth it."

The first kiss is simple and sweet. No dancing lights, no exploding fireworks, no flushed cheeks, no instant arousals. There isn't any tongue, and there isn't any taste belonging to one or the other. It's just his lips against mine, a lingering promise. It's just us and nothing else.

So yes, some things just don't work out. Sometimes one has to cry over spilt milk, or a broken vase. But it's not about whether you cry or not, it's about whether you wipe your eyes, and go about fixing it. Whether you waste you time crying about the milk, or if you pick up a towel and clean it up.


End file.
